Current Ramblings
Monday, January 24, 2005
Randomness and a little angst.
I probably shouldn't even be getting started on this, what with how early I have to be up in the morning and all, and how I always end up taking forever to actually write these while I multitask, but I just wanted to post about some stuff. Call me an addict if you must.
A few days back Walky posted a link in his own quite prolific if usually less verbose LiveJournal to the blog of the guy who's scripting the new Transformers movie. He apparently got so many hits from that link that he e-mailed Walky to thank him. Life is frightening and surreal.
Ron called me yesterday while I was on my lunch break to remind me of the existance of Alternators Windcharger and to ask if I wanted him, since he had found one at the Wal-Mart north of town. I told him I definitely wanted him to pick him up for me, especially since I just don't have the time to go toy hunting much between work and school and Alternators distribution is shit. But I've put a little thought into my feelings on the toy since then. (No, Ron, I'm not saying I don't want him. :) ) I really honestly haven't had any feelings on him. None. It's an apathy bordering on denial. It's just that, in a series dedicated entirely to reviving old characters, many of them ones I've been especially fond of, I don't know what to do with a toy like him. He was clearly, obviously designed to be one character (that being Overdrive), is even being released as that character in Japan, and yet because of trademark issues and what have you, he has been declared to be another character (being Windcharger), who he does not resemble in any way except for car color, certainly not to the degree that every other toy in this line has looked like who they were supposed to be. Presented with this paradox, my mind simply shuts down, denying the existance of such a thing. I cannot form an opinion because I cannot accept the existance of it. It's like asking me how I feel about being my own grandmother. I'm sure once I've been presented with the undeniable existance of this toy, this...Alternators Windcharger, I will eventually be able to come to terms with it. But if he is Windcharger, he won't be the one standing by Grimlock. Not after that Find-Your-Fate book...
I have come to realize lately that all I ever write is angst. Ever. I can't even start to think of how I would write a happy story. I write the occasional decent fight, but it's usually an excuse for later angst. Thinking about it, my last two actual finished fanfics ("The Last Mini-Con" and "Patrol", if you're so inclined) both started with pretty good fight scenes in which one character is rescuing another and then decended into angst and varying degrees of survivor's guilt. (Actually, that's worrisomely similar... I am in a rut.) I have this habit of writing whatever I feel like and then later going back and psychoanalyzing myself with what I've written, but am I just a miserable person? Do I really see life as a painful series of losses, changes, and heartbreaking choices? I can be happy, so why am I so against letting my characters be happy? Even Walky has managed that much. And is all this a key to my persistant writer's block? I've written, certainly, but all I've been able to produce have been snippets of larger stories involving pain of some sort. Am I just the Lurlene McDaniel of Transformers fanfic? I don't know. And goodness knows I don't have the time to worry over getting out of my funk with all my schoolwork.
(Yes, to any book geeks reading this...I totally made a Lurlene McDaniel reference. I need to get out of Young Adults ASAP.)
posted@10:53 PM by:Trixter: 0 comments