Current Ramblings
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Yeah, I know you shouldn't blog when you're pissed...
...but I'm really not thrilled with my job right now. Yes, again. Due to things that don't have a damn thing to do with me, I don't get to transfer to the store that's actually close to where I live at all, which fucks a lot of stuff up. Well, maybe it does have to do with me. Maybe it has to do with how content the Powers That Be are with telling me "no". Maybe it's that I don't get much in the way of respect, I feel like I don't get taken seriously by them. If I hadn't gone back to school it'd be worse. At least I'm doing something about it, albeit slowly. I know I'm not going to get some magic IT job where people will cater to, well, I'm not even asking for my every whim. If they'd cater to a single heart-felt request it'd be an improvement. But they'll pay me enough to put up with that kind of shit. Graham was wrong. It's not that I don't like to be told what to do. It's that I don't like to be told what I can't do for no acceptable reason.
I guess this kind of ties in with some of the things I've been thinking about lately re: my creativity or recent complete lack thereof. I've really wanted to return to my Firestormers stuff, but I'm just not feeling it the way I used to. I know my current lack of privacy has been one problem, and I think a bigger one is the overabundance of not only official fiction but official universes. Setting stuff after the G2 comic with lots of UK references thrown in doesn't have quite the relevance it had when there were only two major continuities. None of the universes feel particularly relevant anymore, they just feel like little shards of a big messy multiverse. But I've realized that another big factor is a simple lack of emotional relevance. I used the series in the last few years to channel and express feelings that I just don't have with that sort of intensity anymore. I don't need an outlet for being emo anymore. What bothers me nowadays, at age 26 at a reasonable latitude rather than age 19 and dealing with seasonal depression? I feel alienated from a social group that used to mean a great deal to me. (Maybe that's why I liked LONAC so much: #wiigii! is sort of like a neutralist refugee group from Transfandom.) I feel, as I said, that I'm not really respected by my higher-ups, both locally and on a much larger scale. (*coughgovernmentcough*) I feel like I'm not thrilled with where I am now but I'm working very hard to turn my life around. I feel...like Firestormers was supposed to be, before it pretty much immediately stopped being punk and started being whiny. I mean, was Upstart created to be Trixter's truest love who she would never reveal her feelings for? No! He was created because I didn't feel up to actually writing Hot Rod! The romantic entanglements were added later so I could have an excuse for whining! (Also, he became an actual character.) What I need to do is get my head together and write Firestormers as something like Micromasters could have been if Adam Patyk had ever been half the punk I am. Fight the man!
posted@10:36 PM by:Trixter: 0 comments